when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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