shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
