Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
