she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
