he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
