I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
