Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this just has baby written all over it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
