oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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