Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
