i think i have two assholes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
