chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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