Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize