this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
