I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
