3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
