Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
