hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
