Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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