you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
