when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
