Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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