Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
