is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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