Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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