we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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