i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
