I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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