and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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