In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
