i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
