I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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