funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
