yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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