I can text with my tongue
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize