Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
