I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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