she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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