we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize