i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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