im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
