I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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