Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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