if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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