i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
