What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize