went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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