Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
