Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
