What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
