even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i came on her dog
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
