ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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