never play flip cup with pint glasses
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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