So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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