This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
