I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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