I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
