my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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