i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
