my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
