I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
