Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
