Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
