If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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