omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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