I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We have started to decorate penises.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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