How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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