You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
