If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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