How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
