Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
