I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize