So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
