SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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